Hoagie Gilligan  Ace Attorney
by Tnelson711
Summary: "My client, Numbuh 4, is innocent. I'm here to prove that, in any way possible." Such were words from newbie attorney, Hoagie Gilligan, also known as Numbuh 2. He's ready to testify Numbuh 4's innocence in court. But is he up to the job? Case 2 started.
1. Case 1: Turnabout's Birthday

_A.N. - Please note that while this is strictly in the KND universe, not the Phoenix Wright universe, it's a crossover between the two because the fanfic takes its inspiration from the latter. Should the readers decide that it's strictly a KND fanfic, I'll see what I can do about it._

_Also, because it's still a KND fanfic, I won't kill off many characters. (winks)_

_Anyway, enjoy._

* * *

I've taken many jobs before during my currently ongoing childhood. Hall monitor, check. Kids Next Door operative, check. Detective, check. Professional taster, kinda. Yet, I never would go to court except as part of the audience, and even then it was pretty boring. One would think that it's nothing but standing around looking pretty, right? Well, I'll have to object to that.

This is the day of my first case. I've got to defend my friend, Wally Beatles, in court. You're probably wondering what the crud I'm defending him for, right? Well, I'm going to tell you part of the story.

So far as I can tell, someone forced a fellow operative – the Soopreme Leader, Numbuh 362, in fact – off the organization through forced decomissioning. I don't know the details, but apparently, someone thought Wally did it. I know Numbuh 4's not the most honest member, especially when it comes to Numbuh 3, but he's also not the brightest member, either. This is all I have to defend him at the moment, because how _would_ he know how to work a machine like that? Granted, he knows how to use weaponry on the SCAMPER, and some 2x4 weapons, but that's it. I'm as nervous as crud about this case, and I'm going to need all my job experiences to defend my client.

You're probably wondering who I am. Well, I'll tell you.

Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr. - Jr. Attorney.

* * *

July 10th, 2008

Moonbase

Kids Next Door Courtroom #2

_

* * *

WHAM!_

"This court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Wallabee Beatles, AKA Numbuh 4," announced the judge, Numbuh 65.3. He looked towards the prosecutor, Numbuh 86, as if expecting a response. His expectations were pleased.

"Th' prosecution is ready, your Honor," claimed Numbuh 86. As soon as she answered, Numbuh 60 looked towards the defender, Hoagie, to see what he had to offer.

"The defense is ready, your honor."

"I see. Numbuh 2, this is your first case, right?" inquired Numbuh 65.3.

"Yes, your Honor. I'm ready to defend, though, so don't worry. I've even played Phoenix Wright recently, so I think I know how it goes," laughed Numbuh 2.

"Weh'll see about that, Hoagie," sneered Numbuh 86.

"Just a quick question before we begin," proclaimed Numbuh 65.3, before questioning, "Do each of you have a copy of Numbuh 362's Decomissioning Report?"  
Both operatives nodded to answer the judge's question. While Numbuh 2 nodded, he took a quick look at the report. It claimed that 'Numbuh 362 was decommissioned at 11:59 PM on July 7th, 2008, in the decommissioning room at Moonbase'.

"Good. Both of you put it to good use, as it's evidence necessary for the trial. At any rate, let's begin.

"First, a question for the prosecution. The Decommissioning Report said that the Soopreme Leader was decommissioned at 11:59 PM on July 7th, 2008. Would you care to explain how she was Decommissioned?"

"Yes, your Honor. She was decommissioned with one of the prototype 2x4 weapons built for easier and quicker decommissioning rates. It was called-

* * *

Kids Next Door Tech

D.E.C.O.M.M.

Decommissioning

Easily

Calibrated

Over

Mobile

Machine

* * *

"...but there were several other names, which I'm not gonna bother listing. It was invented by Numbuh 401 of the Decommissioning Squad, sir."

"Very well. The court accepts it as evidence," answered Numbuh 65.3. He took the weapon, and placed it to the right of him. "The prosecution may call its first witness."

"Yes, your Honor," agreed Numbuh 86. "The prosecution calls Numbuh 4 to the stand."

In little more than 3 minutes, Numbuh 4 was brought to the stand.

"Wallabee, is it true that you entered the Decommissioning room during the hours of 11 and 12 in the middle of the night on the day of Numbuh 362's decommissioning?" asked Numbuh 86.

"Well, I can say that I was at a birthday party that day," explained Numbuh 4.

"How is that relevant to my question?"

"I'm getting there," complained Numbuh 4. "Anyway, yes, I did."

_I should have figured. Numbuh 4 likes to run his mouth._

"_But_, it was because Numbuh 401 wasn't at the party. I wanted to give him a slice of the cake, but he wasn't there. Just Numbuh 362, and she already had a slice. So I left at 11:59 to put the slice in the Moonbase fridge in case I saw him. You can check that fridge if you want it for evidence."

_Thankfully, he likes to correct himself nowadays. This certainly takes the cake._

"Very well. Could someone from the audience please go to that fridge and bring the cake slice to court?" asked Numbuh 65.3.

One of the operatives stood up and left the court.

"Next question. While you were in the decommissioning room, did you happen to see one of the prototype D.E.C.O.M.M.'s lying around?" inquired Numbuh 86.

"No way!"

"No prototype decommissioning technology in a Decommissioning room?" snarked Numbuh 86. "Then tell me, did you or did you not carry it into the room?"

"No cruddy way!" defended Numbuh 4. "I don't even know how to use it!"

"Likely story," said Numbuh 86. "Then explain how you decommissioned the Soopreme Leader at 11:59 PM!"

Out of the blue, Numbuh 2 shouted a loud, "Objection!

"Numbuh 86, is it true that the D.E.C.O.M.M. is evidence?" asked Numbuh 2.

"Yes," said Numbuh 86.

"Then let's take a look at this machine," said Numbuh 2. "Your honor, may I see the D.E.C.O.M.M.?"

"Of course," said Numbuh 65.3, handing Numbuh 2 the device.

Numbuh 2 examined the device, disassembled a part of the device, and explained, "I've taken out the energy battery so that the device is safe to use, but that's not relevant. What is relevant is the control scheme. It's designed not to have a trigger so as to confuse enemies who come across this device. However, since Numbuh 4 isn't the brightest of operatives, ("WHAT!" shouted Numbuh 4, in defense.) he could not have figured it out just by looking at it. Besides, he's used to weapons with triggers, so a different control scheme would be confusing to him."

"Objection!" shouted Numbuh 86. "This is false information! The prosecution would like to call a second witness to the stand – someone who can testify against what the defense is saying."

"Very well," agreed Numbuh 65.3. "The prosecution may call its next witness. You may leave, Numbuh 4."

"Uh...thanks, I guess," said Numbuh 4, who got up and left the court. As soon as he left, the same operative who already left came back in, bringing the cake slice in a plastic back. He put it where the D.E.C.O.M.M. used to be, and sat down back in the audience bench.

"The prosecution calls Numbuh 401 to the stand, your Honor."

As soon as she said that, the operative they were talking about went up to the stand to testify.

"What is your name, Numbuh 401?" asked Numbuh 86.

"I'm called only by my first name, Seannit," said Numbuh 401.

"Very well. Would you please testify against Numbuh 2's logic. He claims that Numbuh 4 does not know how to use the D.E.C.O.M.M that you invented."

"One would assume that, but when I tested this device, I saw all that was left of Sector V there, Numbuh 4 included," explained Numbuh 401.

_Crud. I forgot about that._

"Well, now that that's settled, would you care to explain what you saw?" inquired Numbuh 86.

"Very well.

"I was walking down the hall. I had lost my way while I was trying to go to an operative's birthday party. Then I saw Numbuh 4 holding only the D.E.C.O.M.M. Not noticing me, he went into the scene of the crime, and left. Then I saw Numbuh 362, claiming that she didn't remember a thing.

"That's all I have to say about this, boss."

"What do you have to say to that, Hoagie?" asked Numbuh 86 with a sneer.

Numbuh 2 had nothing to say then. Noting that awkward silence, Numbuh 65.3 said, "Very well. The defense may begin its cross examination."

_I wasn't used to the cross-examination. All I knew that it was a long procedure of repeating yourself. However, I did find something fishy about his testimony, and thankfully, I knew what it was._

"Numbuh 401, can you repeat what you said about what Numbuh 4 held?" asked Numbuh 2.

"I can. I saw Numbuh 4 holding only the D.E.C.O.M.M."

"Objection!" interrupted Numbuh 2, who then pointed at Numbuh 401. "Earlier during this court, the prosecution had asked Numbuh 4 several questions. Out of what he said, he had unwittingly contradicted that very part. He was holding a slice of cake, and he was trying to find you so he could give the cake to you."

Numbuh 401 had a shocked face after that. However, he shook it off, and inquired, "Do you have proof?"

"Yes," said Numbuh 2. He took the cake from the evidence pile and held it up. "This cake was the very one Numbuh 4 asked to bring in for evidence."

However shocked Numbuh 401 was before, it couldn't compare to his shock right then.

"Does the prosecution have anything to say about this?" asked the judge.

"No, your Honor," said Numbuh 86. "But the prosecution would like to ask the witness to testify again."

"Alright.

"I must have forgotten about the cake he held. But yes, now that you mention it, he did hold a piece of cake in his hands, along with the device. He went straight into Numbuh 362's office and zapped her with it. Then he left the scene of the crime, possibly trying to find me.

"That's what I saw, for real," claimed Numbuh 401.

"Very good. I hope this is correct. Numbuh 2, you may cross-examine the witness again," said Numbuh 65.3.

"Thank you, your Honor," thanked Numbuh 2.

_I knew there was a lie in Numbuh 401's testimony. I started to think that he was actually the murderer – he seemed to know a little too much. But I knew that the part about the location was a gosh-darn lie._

"Numbuh 401, can you repeat your testimony?"

"I- guess so. He did hold a piece of cake in his hands, along with the device. He went straight into Numbuh 362's office and zapped her with it-"

"Objection!" exclaimed Numbuh 2. "You claim that the scene of the murder was Numbuh 362's office, yet we have already cleared it up that it wasn't her office, it was the Decommissioning Room."

"W...WHAT?" shouted Numbuh 401.

"Yes. In the Decommissioning Room."

"_Prove it!_"

"Yes, sir! Here's evidence!" Numbuh 2 then showed Numbuh 362's Decommissioning Report. "As both me and the prosecutor know, the scene of the decommissioning was, and I quote, 'in the Decommissioning room at Moonbase'."

"..."

"Numbuh 401, you're becoming less believable. I suggest you give a firm testimony this time," demanded Numbuh 65.3.

"...yes, your Honor."

_Before he began his last testimony, I took a quick look at the cake again. It contained something that would not only defend Numbuh 4 for good, but offend the little liar. I just had to wait for him to slip up._

"Well, okay, I wasn't paying attention to the location. Now I remember that it _was_ at the decommissioning chambers. He still did it, though. As he walked out, he was muttering something about 'a birthday'. It must have been a spiteful joke about Numbuh 362's decommissioning."

_Bingo._

"I see...Numbuh 2, you may cross-examine once more," declared the judge.

"Thank you again, your honor," agreed Numbuh 2. "Can the witness please repeat what Numbuh 4 was saying?"

"Sure. He was muttering something about 'a birthday'."

"Objection!" shouted Numbuh 2 once more. "He was probably saying that because it was an operative's birthday."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive. Remember that piece of cake I used as evidence?" asked Numbuh 2.

"Y-yeah."

"Well, that's evidence enough to say that Numbuh 4 was referencing the party," explained Numbuh 2.

"Objection!" shouted Numbuh 86. "It could be possible that Numbuh 4 was referencing his _own_ birthday party! All I heard was that it was a well-respected member of the Kids Next Door, and it was a 13th birthday party to boot, and if I recall correctly, he's the second oldest member of Sector V, in which case it's plenty of proof for Numbuh 4's decommissioning.

"You're right, Numbuh 86. It was a well-respected operative's birthday. But there are two operatives that fit the bill. Numbuh 4, who's been doing well on the field, and Numbuh 401, who invented the machine used as evidence today. It would have been a possibility for Numbuh 4 to be the culprit, _if_ the cake didn't have a specific number on it, or should I say num-_buh! _Isn't that right, Numbuh 401?"

"What do you mean?" asked Numbuh 65.3.

"Just take a look at the cake slice," explained Numbuh 2, handing the cake slice to the judge.

The judge examined the cake for a few seconds. "All it says is...! The number 401!"

_I had cornered him. This case was as good as closed._ _Now to wrap it up._

"And what is the significance of that number? It's the codenumbuh of Numbuh 401, who coincidentally didn't make it to his own birthday party, or managed to obtain the cake slice containing his own numbuh. What do you say to that, Numbuh 401?"

"I... I..."

Numbuh 401 hung his head in defeat. "I did it. I decommissioned her. I knew she would order my decommissioning the next day. I had to find a way to stop my birthday from becoming known, so I had to decommission her first. And what better way to put my own creation to good use than use it on her?

"I also knew someone had to take the blame. I would prefer someone who wouldn't know about this unless told. Numbuh 4 was the perfect candidate. He's too dumb to know about this. But now that it's known in open court, I guess I'm done for."

"Very well. Numbuh 86, since you _are_ head of decommissioning, you know what to do.

"Yes sir," said Numbuh 86. She got up and hand-cuffed the culprit, and escorted him out of the room, straight to the decommissioning chambers.

"We find that Numbuh 4 is...not guilty!" said Numbuh 65.3. "Court is adjourned!"

_

* * *

_

With that, my first case was closed.

Numbuh 4 was outside the courtroom, ready to congratulate me on a job well done. I escorted him out of the court, and back to the hangar. I met up with my teammates in the S.C.A.M.P.E.R., and together we flied back to our treehouse.

As we did, I smiled. It turned out that court was anything but boring. In fact, it was a piece of cake.

Too bad that's the last time that would happen.


	2. Case 2a: The Soopreme Turnabout Part 1

This Message Was Recorded on July 12th, 2008

BEEP!

BEEP!

BE-

Click!

"What is the meaning of this? Numbuh 5's in the middle of dinner over here!"

"This is Numbuh 86 requesting you at Moonbase immediately!"

"What for?"

"Well, unfortunately, we haven't been able to recreate the Recommissioning Device. As a result, it seems Numbuh 362's memories have been lost forever. So Moonbase Officials took a vote as to who would be the next Soopreme Leader."

"And?"

"Well, you're it."

"WHAT?"

"The Successor to Numbuh 362's leadership was decided as you."

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Believe me, I wish I was."

"Alright, Numbuh 5'll be there. Hold on, gonna have to take a to-go box at my own personal restaurant."

Click!

* * *

Sector V

Numbuh 2's (Fancy) Room

July 14th, 2008

3:14 PM

_

* * *

Hello, this is me, Hoagie P. Gilligan! If you're hearing this, do you take your phone to be your wife, because it's a-ringing? …Get it? Rin-_

"Hello?" answered Numbuh 2, cutting off his own phone's lame pun.

"This is Numbuh 5 speaking."

"Numbuh 5? What are you doing at the Arctic Prison? This phone's showing that you're using one of the phones there. Why?"

"Calling you from there, since the guards took away my phone."

"WHAT? What's going on?" asked Numbuh 2.

"Well...Numbuh 5 got the boot a little early."

"How come?"

"Well, they're saying that Numbuh 5 ain't legally cut out for the job, but I think they're nuts. And this is coming from Numbuh 86, who's the one who called me about the job in the first place! Anyway, they also sent me to Arctic Prison because we're going to court later on, and I need your help."

"Sure thing. You need me to bust you out, because I'm pretty sure-" began Numbuh 2.

"Don't even go there, buddy boy. I meant in court."

"Oh."

"And seeing as your first case was successful, Numbuh 5 takes it that you're up to the job. I need you to investigate what's going on, too."

"You can count on me, Soopreme Leader!"

"Well, don't call me that now. I may not be Soopreme Leader for long. Now they're gonna kick me off the phone any minute, so I'll have to... … … … ..."

"...Numbuh 5?" inquired Numbuh 2, concerning Numbuh 5's sudden silence. Frustrated, he turned off his phone, grimacing. He sighed as he retrieved and dusted off his detective's cap. He would need it for this mission.

* * *

Arctic Base

Arctic Prison Detention Center

The Same Day

5:00 PM

_

* * *

If I was going to get any information out of Numbuh 5, I had to have a detailed conversation with her. Since she was at Arctic Prison, that was the perfect opportunity to question her, because it allows for KND operatives to go and there and speak with prisoners. I didn't feel comfortable here, but if it would help Numbuh 5, I had to do it._

"Hello, Numbuh 60. I'm here to see Numbuh 5," explained Numbuh 2.

"Alright, but visiting hours are almost over," answered Numbuh 60, stepping aside so Numbuh 2 could get into the meeting room. He waited for almost a minute, but as Numbuh 5 was brought into their table, he smiled his usual cheesy grin. However, he shook it off as he sat down.

"How did you know that Numbuh 5 wanted you to meet her here?"

"Well, I didn't. I just wanted to speak with you for a bit," explained Numbuh 2. "Anyway, I need to ask you a few questions."

"How come?"

"If this case is to be successful, I need your cooperation," said Numbuh 2. "And we all know that you're one of the best members of the entire organization. I don't know why they would arrest you of all people, but I'm here to find out."

"Alright, then if you need to ask me questions, then go ahead. Quiz me!" answered Numbuh 5.

"Very well. First of all, what was the crime anyway?"

"Well, it was because I planned to decommission Numbuh 363," explained Numbuh 5. "and most of Moonbase agreed with me. However, for some reason, that boy got a hold of my plan, and he filed a lawsuit against me, claiming that not only was I abusing my power, but I wasn't even "legally available" to take the job."

"I see," noted Numbuh 2 as he jotted down the information on a piece of parchment. This would be evidence required for the case he was currently on. "For future reference, why did you intend to decommission him?"

"Why not? He's been arrogant, paranoid; the works. That's not even mentioning his hatred of being touched, which almost got us killed!"

"Indeed. Ar-ro-gant… pa-ra-noid- can you repeat that last one again?"

"Hatred of being touched?" repeated Numbuh 5.

"…got it," affirmed Numbuh 2. "One last question before I go? Who's prosecuting you?"

"Numbuh $1.50 an hour, ironically," admitted Numbuh 5.

* * *

Numbuh $1.50 an hour. He had helped us defend Numbuh 1 earlier, to no success. I remember when the Delightful Children from Down the Lane became 4th Grade Presidents at the school we go to and accused Numbuh 1 of doing things to them. The operative Numbuh 5 mentioned had attempted to be Numbuh 1's attorney, but since the DCFDTL were the judges, Numbuh 1 wasn't given a fair trial.

However, this was one of the few times I was thankful for that outcome.

Let me tell you more about Numbuh $1.50 an hour.

While he seems to be a great operative of law, on the inside, he's menacing. He manages to pull evidence out of nowhere, he manages to find loopholes in rules that should defend or prosecute that are innocent and guilty respectively, and that's not worth mentioning the lengths he goes to get his verdict, and he always does. The worst part of this is that even if he's on the defense, he has a knack for pulling out evidence that can make the defendant lose their credibility, even if they are declared not guilty.

How does this relate to Numbuh 1's unfair trial? Everything. If the judges had given a fair trial, I don't know what would have happened, but I can take a wild guess and likely get it right. I happen to know that Numbuh 1 didn't pass the exam – yet Numbuh 5 hacked him into the Kids Next Door. However, he's pretty high up in the Kids Next Door, so he'd probably know of the results, and of what had happened. If word of that got out, Numbuh 5 would not only lose her credibility, but even if she was declared not guilty in this case, she would still lose her job. If the trial were allowed to continue, he might have let that slip. Since Numbuh 1 wasn't supposed to be in the KND had Numbuh 5 abided the rules, this would have been bad for both him and her.

But I digress. How does this all relate to the current case? Everything, again. He's going to be my opponent, and while I've dealt with several villains before, like Mushi, Grandma Stuffum, the DCFDTL, and even Father, I have yet to find a challenge, but that may change because I have to deal with Numbuh $1.50 an hour. And by the looks of it, he will be my worst enemy in law.

And I'm not a fan of in-laws.

Later, I asked the guards for Numbuh 5's phone, for I could use it as evidence for the trial. Why? I don't know, but if I can find stuff in there, I could possibly use it against Numbuh $1.50 an hour. Luckily, they knew that I wouldn't give it to Numbuh 5, but I planned to give it back at the end of the trial, provided that Numbuh 5 got out okay.

* * *

Sector V

July 14th, 2008

6:00 PM

* * *

"So, Numbuh 2, how's it going?" asked Numbuh 3 almost as soon as Numbuh 2 got back from Arctic Prison.

"Well, unfortunately, not so well, Numbuh 3," sighed Numbuh 2. "How were things back at the treehouse?"

Numbuh 3 smiled, and replied, "They went well. Numbuh 4 was worried that he would be next in line for Arctic Prison, but I helped him out by having him watch everyone's favorite show."

"And that would be…?" asked Numbuh 2, more curious than a dead cat.

His answer came in the form of a scream from the other room, particularly Numbuh 4's.

"…Rainbow Monkeys, right?"

"Yep."

"Anything happen while I was out?" inquired Numbuh 2.

"Nothing much. I got the mail, though. Some junk mail, the latest in Rainbow Monkey magazine, and a letter to you," explained Numbuh 3. "I haven't read the magazine yet, but-"

"Wait, who would want to mail me a letter?"

"I dunno. Hold on, I'm sure I put it somewhere," pondered Numbuh 3 as she scurried about trying to find the letter addressed towards Numbuh 2. This was not a long procedure, as she swiftly found the envelope and handed it to Hoagie.

"Thanks. Be right back, I'll read this message in my room."

"Okey dokey, artichoky!" beamed Numbuh 3 while Numbuh 2 walked off. As Numbuh 2 paced towards his room, he started to take a look at the envelope. To his utter shock, there was no return address. Sure, the KND wanted to operate in secrecy, but they would use their Numbuh only. This envelope didn't have such a grace. What made it worse was that it was addressed to his real name. As he reached his room, he finally opened the letter. It contained nothing encouraging, nothing helpful, but something that would confuse him for a while, all in sloppy handwriting.

_Don't snoop around. It's for your own good._

"What the heck is this supposed to be?" he wondered aloud.

That question was buried into his mind for the rest of the day. He told Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 4 about the cryptic message, but they had no idea about who wrote it, or why. Despite this (or perhaps because of this), Numbuh 2 knew that this was going to be a long case for him.

To Be Continued…


End file.
